Kohvrielustiili pahupool

[EST/ENG comment]

 

“Kõigusoojane hing”

Korraks, tahtsin tunda külma.
Korraks välja pista nina.
Eemal oldud sellest lõhnast,
mis ühtlasi nii võõras on, kui vana.

Tõustes kodusooja maagias, kus isegi külm lumi hinge sulatab,
pea pisarsilmil seletan:
“Mind ära kisu, Eesti järele on mul isu!”

Ei maailm kuula, ta täitnud ju mu varasema soovi.
Nüüd palun, siputa ja paiksuseta stabiilsus leida proovi!

Olen kahepaikne- hing kõigusoojane.
Veel lumemantel seljas, vihmaga me ära harjume.
Ja enne veel, kui keskkond, vana, on jälle uus,
tunnen, peatsest hüvastijätust mul juba on nutt suus.

Nii lihtsalt harjume, kui igal pool on hea.
Kordamööda keskkondi pausile kui sean.
Kuidas hoida meel paigal, kui elan kõikjal või vahest mitte kuskil?
Kuidas saada juured maha,
kuid mitte tülpida, surra igavusest maha?

 

 

***

 

Living in two or even three different countries at the same time can be super exciting but it ain’t just fun and adventure. With this poem – “Kõigusoojane hing” (“Heterothermic soul”) – the Life Correspondent describes the negative sides of the “suitcase lifestyle”.

The Life Correspondent starts by telling about a strange cold smell that reminds of good old times but at the same time has not been present for a good while. The Life Correspondent then portrays the magical warmth of her home place where even the cold snow can melt one’s heart and soul. Nearly in tears, the Life Correspondent begs Life not to take her away from the place so dear to her.

But Life won’t listen:

“It used to be your dream to live this way; now struggle and try to find stability with no horizon, no one place to live and stay!”.

The Life Correspondent feels as if she was semiaquatic- her soul is heterothermic- as she, still wearing a snow coat, gets used to the rain. Before she even manages to acclimatize to the old- now again new- environment she already feels the sadness of another set of good-byes that waits ahead.

It’s hard when everywhere feels like home. Too many hurtful farewells in a short period of time. It’s like setting your life on pause in one place to go and live your other life. Then come back and do the same with your other home. It’s a struggle to keep your head clear when you live all over the world and no where at once.

How to find your roots but, at the same time, not die of boredom and lack of excitement in one’s life?

The struggle is real and the Life Correspondent has no answers to share.

 

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Tõnu Agan says:

    Asi perfektselt kokku võetud!

    Jõudu Sulle, hoian päialt.

    Tõnu

    Like

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